Honestly, we’re not totally sure we agree with this perspective, but at Offbeat Bride, we like to offer up ALL the angles, so here ya go…
As a businesswoman, I run within certain social circles (other businesswomen) and we have discovered that we don’t have the luxury to be a woman-in-waiting any longer. As a woman who dates men, I’m done waiting for him to propose — and I suggest you consider being done too.
As businesswomen, we have to report to shitty supervisors, demanding line managers; make nice with vendors; negotiate pedantic contracts; choose living arrangements, travel overseas for training, and attend domestic conferences. We can be completely off the grid for 16 hours, hopping from plane to plane, continent to continent.
We strategize our careers, our living arrangements, and our finances — why not our love life?
And if you want kids? Forget about it.
Marriage or nah?
The majority of us in my circle have begun the practice of issuing “timelines.” Basically, this means a candid logically-emotional conversation with our respective serious boyfriends of: “… marriage or nah?”
We’ve already established the love and the adoration with the relationship, great. But do we want to give it structure and a moral compass and a legal disposition? You do? Great. You don’t: well, thanks for your candor, if you change your mind I’ll be overseas for a few weeks at a conference.
It works like a charm.
Why I recommend a proposal timeline
Presumably, you have brought so much value into his life (of the type that HE recognizes and understands; as his woman that is entirely your duty to figure out just what it is), and you’ve instilled a proper amount of urgency into his being, that he begins to panic that he may just lose you. (I tend to notice that most men operate from a loss-deficit principle. That is, they rationalize what they have to LOSE, not what they have to GAIN).
So, we had The Talk. A rough timeline was created:
- when we want to live together
(living together and engagement are interchangeable for us)
- how long to be engaged
- when to get married
I think it’s important to have a timeline. It keeps both parties honest and accountable.
Now, if you’re not a businesswoman working 12 hour days, across three or four continents or five states, then try to capture that vibe of dynamism and excitement as if you WERE. Try approaching the discussion of marriage from this stance!
You may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.