Are we engaged? Advice for those who feel in-between P

A cemetery engagement photo shoot with pumpkins, colorful smoke, and their Best Cats
Photo by Black, White and Raw Photography from this cemetery engagement photoshoot

My boyfriend of 6 years told me six months ago that we should get married in a year. Up until now, there’s been no engagement ring or proposal whatsoever… So wait, are we engaged or not?

I think the main reason I’m feeling confused is because I’ve barely heard anything from him when it comes to the wedding plans. I went all crazy with Pinterest and I already made invitation envelopes (they’re all handmade… I went crazy with DIY). I have layouts and invitation designs. I looked up for photographers, venues, etc. I hear about his plans mostly if I talk about it first.

Communication is everything!

Your sanity is at stake if you’ll just keep all your thoughts inside. I was depressed for months because I felt I was the only one hyped up about us getting married, so I asked him if he’s really interested. I told him maybe we’re not yet ready. He then told me that he wants to get married so badly. He said he’ll work hard for it and promised that we will get there as soon as possible.

This helped me realize that we have different outlooks about the wedding, and so we’re prepared for it in different ways. I came to understand that I’m more interested in organizing and making timelines, while he’s thinking mostly about the finances of the wedding.

I still overthink the issue sometimes but it’s refreshing and stress-relieving to hear that your partner wants it just as badly as you do. Finances can be a very difficult part of getting married (especially for us those of us working at a minimum to medium wage!), so I started contributing to conversations about expenses as much as I could.

I realized that I don’t need my boyfriend to propose on bended knee or to give me a ring just to say we’re engaged. He wants to get married just as badly as I do — I know this because he’s the one who brought it up last year!

Be careful with social media expectations

I also suggest taking some time off social media, as it gives so many of us wild expectations about wedding proposals. Many of the proposal stories you’ll see are highly commercialized and publicized… we need to stop comparing ourselves with these people!

It’s okay to let your friends know about your engagement and to post about it, but I also think you should make it as intimate as possible.

When I look back at the time my partner told me that he wanted to get married, I feel how completely genuine he was.

It was only the two of us, nothing fancy, no surprises… just directly telling me about the plans he saw for us. It was low-key (which I like) and deeply genuine.

So I suggest talking to your partner about your feelings about engagement. That’s the best you can do. Don’t give hints or anything. Just be precise with your questions:

  • “Do you really want to get married?”
  • “Do you imagine us as spouses?”
  • “Do you want to be together forever?”

I don’t think those questions would pressure a partner if they really love you and are committed to you. Just go and ask!

 

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